Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
