i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
