i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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