....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
These tits shall not be calmed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
