no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
