i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
