There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
