This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
