so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
