let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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