Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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