Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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