I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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