i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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