Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
