He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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