I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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