Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
