He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
