So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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