Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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