i need an iv and a liver transplant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
