Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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