let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
