So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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