he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
