I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
