Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
