We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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