The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
