I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
