There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
