i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
