So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
