ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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