so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
