did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
