He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
