An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
