Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
