I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize