My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
