it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
