When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
