The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
