So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
