I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
