She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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