Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
