I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
