In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
